Skill of self confidence

Building Self-Confidence: Insights from a Soccer Coach

In my past life as a soccer coach, once you won a national championship, everyone wants to come play for you. Really not true. Once you paid them $25,000 a year in scholarships, everybody wants to come play for you. And parents would always come to me and they'd say: "Okay, my son or my daughter wants to come play at your university, what is it that we have to do? You know, what are you looking for?" And being the Socratic professor that I am, I say, well, what does your son or daughter do? What do they do really well that we'd be interested in? And typically their answers are, well, they've got great vision. They're really good. They can see the entire field. Or, my daughter is the fastest player, there's nobody that can beat her. Or, my son's got a great left-footer. Really great in the air and can hit every ball. I'm like: "Yeah, not bad; but to be quite honest with you, those are the last things I'm looking for. The most important thing? Self-confidence." Without that skill, and I use the word skill intentionally, without that skill, we are useless as a soccer player. Because when you lose sight or belief in yourself, we're done for.

I use the definition of self-confidence to be the ability or the belief to believe in yourself, to accomplish any task, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity. The belief that you can accomplish it, self-confidence. Some of you are saying, "Great, I don't have it. I'm so shy. I'll never do that, bla, bla, bla." And you start to drag all the way down here. But, I use the word skill because I believe it can be trained. And I'll show you a couple of ways in which we do. Hopefully I won't run out of time. I don't use any slides because my speech always goes here, or here, or here. So we'll see which way we get to.

The easiest way to build self-confidence: there's no magic button. I can't say: "Hey, this plane is going down, who can fly? Put your hand up." "I can, I'm confident!" (Laughter) Repetition, repetition, repetition. Right? What does Malcom Gladwell call it, the 10,000-hour rule? There's no magic button. I recruited a goalie from Colombia, South America one year. Big, tall 6'3" man. You know, he had hands like stone. I thought he was like Flipper. Every time I threw him the ball, down, onto the ground. I was like, oh my god, we're in trouble. Simple solution: get to the wall, kick a ball against the wall and catch it. Kick the ball against the wall and catch it. His goal was 350 a day for eight months. He came back, his hands were calloused, the moisture on his hands were literally gone, he is now playing in Europe. Magic? No. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

The problem is, we expect to be self-confident but we can't be unless the skill, or the task we're doing, is not novel, is not new to us. We want to be in a situation where we have so much pressure in that and what I mean, cause pressure builds diamonds, we want to be in a situation where "hey, I've done this a thousand times". I did my speech, and I practiced in front of a mirror: bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla. Hey I'm sounding good. And then I went in front of my kids, and my wife. I said, oh gosh, I got a little nervous. Then I'd get in front of Glenn Gould, Oh my goodness, I am a little more nervous! By the time I get to the ACG, where 2,500 people, can't say anymore, right? Twenty-five hundred people, where twenty-five hundred people are there, I won't have a single ounce of nervousness because of my ability to practice. Right? Over, and over, and over, again.

The problem with repetition is: how many of us bail after the first bit of failure? How many of us bail after the first bit of adversity? Edison was on that video, and it depends who you ask, there's anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 tries to build that light bulb. 1,000 to 10,000. J.K Rowling should be on that video. Do you know how many publishers she took her Harry Potter book to? I believe the number was 12 or 13... I am pretty confident but after two or three noes I'd be like: "damn it!". After six or seven, I'm like: "maybe not!" Definitely after nine or ten I'd be looking to be a soccer coach or something else besides an author. (Laughter) Right? I mean, twelve times somebody said no. But, practice, practice, practice, and do not accept failure. Maybe it shouldn't be repetition, maybe the answer should be persistence. Because we all repeat something but very few of us really will persist. So that's one way to build self-confidence. Get out there. Do what you want to do and do not accept no.

The other one is self-talk. We all have a self-talk tape that plays in our head. Anybody go shopping and put on a pair of pants this week? If you're a woman, the first thing that always comes: "damn I look fat in these pants!". And if you're a man, it's the opposite: "Oh god, I got no muscle, I'm so flabby!" Right? We all have this tape that plays in our head. As a student, if they asked me the question, it was like: "Oh, gee please professor don't pick me, I don't know the answer." I'd look down. Right? If you're in the b...when I, let me tell you something, and the VP of business adminis. here, I shouldn't repeat this, but when they hired me as an Athletics director, I sat in an architect's meeting, and I am as dumb as a post when it comes to anything to do with numbers and angles. And they are like: the fundibulator valve of the architectural, uh, what do you think doctor Joseph? Uh, let me look into that for you and get back to you. (Laughter) Right? I was in a, oh god god, please don't ask me, please don't ask me.

We all have this negative self-talk that goes in our head. Guess what? There's enough people that are telling us we can't do it. That we're not good enough. Why do we want to tell ourselves that? We know for a fact that thoughts influence actions. We saw it there with the video Sheldon, Dr. Levy showed. We know that our thoughts influence actions, why do we want to say that negative self-talk to ourselves? We need to get our own self-affirmations. Muhammad Ali, what was his self-affirmation? I am the greatest! Who else is going to tell you? There need to be quiet moments in your bedroom, quiet moments when you're brushing your teeth. That we need to reaffirm: "I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate!" That is my affirmation. I came from a school of one thousand people, I lived in a town of one thousand people for fifteen years; there's no reason that I should be in charge of an Athletics department, building maple leaf gardens. But I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate. If I don't say it, if I don't believe it, no one else will.

How do you build self-confidence? Get away from the people who will tear you down. There's enough of that. Muhammad Ali, I am the greatest! There is no one better than me. There's a difference between hubris, and ego, and false pride. It's just reminding yourself in quiet silent moments, I put it down on a list, it's right beside my mirror, right? about all the things that make me who I am. Because I make enough mistakes, and the newspapers will recognize it, and people around me will recognize it; and they'll tear me down, and pretty soon I'll begin to believe it. There was a time when my confidence was really low. There was a time when I took this job when I came from Iowa, I don't know if I could do it. I had to bring out my self-confidence letter. A letter I wrote to myself when I was feeling good. Ivan, congratulations on getting your PhD before 40. Congra...I am 40, under. (Laughter) Congratulations on winning a national championship. Good job on raising three good kids and marrying the right woman. I wrote a letter to myself, it was my own brag sheet. My own letter about the things I was proud of. Because there are moments, and we'll all experience them in our career, in our lives, in our job hunting, in our relationships; when we are not feeling good about who, and what, and where we are. And I had to bring out that letter and read it time and time again, for a period of about two weeks, to weather me through that storm. It was important.

Stop the self-talk, the negative self-talk. If you watch you'll see some athletes that have a little bandage, or a little brand around them. Lance Armstrong is a perfect one. What's his self-affirmation? Livestrong isn't a brand, it was to remind him of who he was. Live strong. Then it became a brand. He would move that from one arm to the next arm, when doubt and fear came into his mind. Live strong. Remind yourself that you can do it, because you will.

If you are here today, you are already on the way to succeeding. Success is a process, it's a journey. So we have a journey to go, but one thing I want to tell you is: how to keep going, how to build self-confidence, how to get through that rough spot, how to get through adversity: persistence, repetition, perseverance. Affirmation: remind yourself of who you are. And the more you do that, the more you're going to believe it, and the more you believe it, the more confident you'll be. And the more confident you'll be, the more you're going to accomplish. But don't expect it to happen overnight. Expect to fail a little bit. Expect to be frustrated. That means you're growing. That's good! But, keep going. Because if you keep going, you will, you will, succeed.

Best Diet for Brain Health & Memory

 

Enhancing Brain Health Through Nutrition

The foods that we eat actually provide the structural basis, the building blocks, of the very neurons that allow us to think. Over time, there are a lot of data now that indicate certain things that we can do, including certain foods that we should eat, in order to enhance our brain function. Some of the most frequent questions I get are about food and the brain. Everybody seems to want to know what they should eat and what they shouldn't eat in order to have peak brain function, to be able to focus, memorize things, and so forth, and in order to maintain brain health over time. Because nobody wants to lose their memory or have troubles with cognition. Fortunately, there are a lot of data now from really good quality, peer-reviewed studies that indicate certain things that we can do, including certain foods that we should eat and perhaps even some foods that we should avoid, in order to enhance our brain function.

And of course, when I say brain, what I really mean is nervous system function because how we are able to move and remember things, etc., doesn't just depend on the neurons—the nerve cells—that are in our head. It also depends on our spinal cord and the neurons that connect to all the organs of our body. So in general, there are two categories of things that are going to improve brain health from the perspective of nutrition. The first category is the general category of things that we eat and avoid, and things that we do and avoid doing, that will modulate brain health and function.

What do I mean by modulate? Well, getting quality sleep on a regular basis, making sure that you're socially connected, making sure that you're not depressed, all these things are vitally important to our overall health and of course they will impact brain function, but they do it more or less indirectly. Okay, there are a few things that happen in sleep which directly benefit brain function and repair, etc., but today I really want to concentrate not on the things that modulate our overall health, but rather the things that mediate brain health directly and in particular how certain foods enhance brain function.

And we are going to talk about how we can change our relationship to food—literally how we can start to prefer certain foods that are better for us than others. So just briefly, I want to touch on the modulatory components because they are vital. First of all, getting quality sleep on a regular basis and ample sleep on a regular basis is the foundation of all mental health and physical health—there's no question about that. So I just want to make crystal clear that unless you're sleeping well on a regular basis, your brain will suffer. You won't be able to focus very well, learn very well, and indeed, there are data linking poor quality sleep to dementia or at least exacerbating pre-existing dementias and things of that sort. So get your sleep in order.

The other, of course, is cardiovascular health and exercise. The general prescription that's out there in the literature and I think is well-supported is to get somewhere between 150 and 180 minutes of cardiovascular exercise per week. If you choose to also use resistance exercise, that's great, but the 150 to 180 minutes minimum per week of cardiovascular exercise is crucial for heart health, and heart health directly relates to brain health because the brain consumes a lot of oxygen, glucose, and other factors that are delivered via the blood. So if your arteries are clogged up and you've got poor vascular supply to the brain in any region of the brain, your brain will suffer. So get cardiovascular health in order.

Now, with those two modulatory elements set forth so that we're all aware that they're there and they are vitally important, now I'd like to turn to the elements that have been shown to be vitally important for directly controlling, for mediating neuron function. Neurons, of course, are nerve cells in the brain, and there are other cell types too, of course, that will impact brain function. The most prominent of which are the so-called glia. Glia means glue, but even though for a long time people thought that these cells were just kind of holding things together passively, the glia play a very active role in the metabolism of neurons in brain function and probably also in cognition, in thinking, and so forth.

So what are the things that directly impact brain health, and what are the foods that we can eat that will support brain health? Generally, when we think about neuron function and brain function, we default to a discussion about fuel—the fact that neurons use glucose, which is blood sugar, and that they require a lot of it. In some cases, they'll use ketones, which we will talk about a little bit later, especially in people that are following a low carbohydrate or ketogenic diet. But before we can even consider the fuels that neurons use in order to function, we have to talk about the elements that actually allow those neurons to be there and to stay healthy.

What actually makes up those neurons? And that brings us to what I would argue is the most important food element for brain function, and that is fat. And that might come as a surprise, but unless one considers the water content of the brain—which is very high—a lot of our brain and a lot of the integrity of the nerve cells, the so-called neurons in our brain, and the other types of cells comes from fat. And that's because nerve cells and other cells in the brain have an external layer, it's what's sometimes called a double-layered membrane. It's essentially two thin layers that serve as a boundary between those cells, and that boundary is very important because how things pass across that boundary actually regulates the electrical activity of neurons, which is the way that neurons fire and communicate and keep you thinking and acting and doing all the good things that those neurons allow us to do.

And those membranes are made up of fats. But they're not made up of the fats that are around our belly or around the other organs of our body. They're not made up of storage fat. They are made up of structural fat, and maintaining the so-called integrity of that structural fat—meaning the health of those neurons—is going to come in large part from the foods that we eat. This needs to be underscored: what I'm saying is that the foods that we eat actually provide the structural basis, the building blocks of the very neurons that allow us to think.

Over time, as I mentioned earlier, the fat that makes up those neurons and other nerve cells is different than the other types of fat in the body. So what type of fat is it, and what should we eat in order to support that fat and those neurons? And the answer is the so-called essential fatty acids and phospholipids. Now, those are more or less the same thing, but I just want to make a very large point very crystal clear: essential fatty acids can include the so-called EPA variety or DHA variety. You hear about Omega-3s and Omega-6s. Most people are getting enough Omega-6s from their diet—not everybody, but most people are getting enough Omega-6s. However, most people are not getting enough Omega-3s in their diet to support healthy brain function in the short and long term.

I've talked before about the benefits of elevating the levels of Omega-3s in one's diet for the sake of offsetting depression and for enhancing mood. And indeed, there's a wealth of literature now pointing to the fact that ingesting at least one or two or even three grams per day of the EPA form of essential fatty acids can have positive effects on mood and well-being that are at least on par with some of the major antidepressant treatments out there, but without similar side effects to those antidepressant treatments. And that for people that are already taking antidepressants, supplementing with one to two to three grams of EPA essential fatty acids can actually allow a lower dose of antidepressant treatment to be used and still be effective. So that's depression.

But just in terms of maintaining normal cognitive function in people that aren't depressed, the EPAs and Omega-3s seem to play a very important role. Of course, you can supplement EPAs through various fish oils, and it could be liquid fish oil or capsule fish oil. Some people, if they're not interested in eating fish for whatever reason—they're allergic or for ethical reasons—they can take krill oil. If they don't want to use krill oil, they can use algae and other forms of EPA. However, I think it's clear that one can get a lot of EPA from the proper foods, and it turns out that those foods—not surprisingly—don't just contain high levels of EPA, but they also contain other things that are beneficial for brain health.

So what are foods that are high in Omega-3s that we should all probably be consuming at least on a daily basis? The number one is fish. So things like mackerel, salmon, herring, oysters, sardines, anchovies, and perhaps the heavyweight champion of EPAs per unit volume is caviar. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not eating a lot of fish. I'm not eating a lot of caviar. I don't think I can't remember the last time I had caviar unless it was, you know, sprinkled on a little bit of sushi. I'm not a big fish eater personally. I will from time to time, but that's one reason why one might want to supplement with EPAs from another source.

But also, EPAs are found in chia seeds, walnuts, soybeans, and other plant-based foods. You can look these up online, and you'll immediately see that there are a lot of sources of EPAs, and many of the foods that I listed off might be appetizing to you. Some of them might be unappetizing to you, or some of them you might be sort of neutral about, but it's very clear that eating foods that are rich in Omega-3s and/or supplementing with Omega.

Most Nutrient-Dense Foods (Superfoods) On The Planet

 

13 Most Nutrient-Dense Foods on the Planet

Some foods are referred to as superfoods since they are extremely healthy and nutritious while containing high amounts of nutrients. These foods offer you many health benefits too. They help fight inflammation, reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and obesity, improve gut health, vision, and many more. So let's see the 13 most nutrient-dense foods on the planet:

Number one: Salmon
Salmon and other fatty fish contain omega-3 fatty acids which help prevent heart disease, stroke, inflammatory disease, and autoimmune disorders. In addition, salmon is rich in high-quality protein, vitamins B3, B5, B6, B12, vitamin D and E, selenium, and potassium. Finally, regular consumption of fatty fish is associated with better weight control, reduced risk of diabetes, metabolic syndrome, dementia, and depression, and an improved sense of well-being.

Number two: Kale
Most leafy greens are highly nutritious, and kale is one of them. It is rich in vitamins C, K, A, B6, and minerals like potassium, calcium, magnesium, copper, and manganese. In addition, kale is a good source of fiber. It is also high in various bioactive compounds, including isothiocyanates and several other antioxidants.

Number three: Legumes
Legumes are a group of foods that include beans, peas, lentils, soybeans, and peanuts. They are high in dietary fiber, which promotes digestive health and reduces calorie intake. Legumes are one of the best sources of plant-based protein, making them suitable for a vegan or vegetarian diet. They are also rich in complex carbohydrates that provide lasting energy to the body. Despite being rich in carbohydrates, they have a low glycemic index, meaning they do not increase blood glucose levels significantly. This characteristic is especially beneficial for individuals with diabetes and metabolic syndrome. Finally, legumes contain vitamins, antioxidants, and several minerals such as iron, calcium, and magnesium.

Number four: Eggs
Eggs are one of the cheapest but extremely nutritious foods available. They contain small amounts of almost every nutrient required by the human body and are called Nature's multivitamin since they contain all the vitamins except vitamin C. They are rich in good animal proteins, healthy fats, and low in carbohydrates. Eggs also provide good amounts of essential nutrients, including iron, selenium, phosphorus, and iodine. Moreover, eggs are rich in lutein and zeaxanthin, two important nutrients that prevent age-related macular degeneration and cataracts. According to research, regular consumption of eggs is associated with a reduced risk of diabetes and better weight control.

Number five: Avocado
Some people call avocado a super fruit since it is extremely nutritious and offers many health benefits. They are rich in healthy fats, proteins, carbohydrates, vitamin C, E, K, B2, B3, B5, B6, folate, and minerals like magnesium, potassium, copper, and manganese. Avocados are also a rich source of fiber, which improves digestive health, and plant-based antioxidants, which fight against many chronic disease conditions.

Number six: Berries
Fruits such as strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries are extremely nutritious. They are well known for their antioxidant properties, which help fight inflammation and cancer. In addition, berries are a good source of fiber, vitamins C, K, and folate, and minerals such as copper and manganese. Since they have a low glycemic index, they are good for people with diabetes as well. Berries also help reduce blood cholesterol levels and are good for your skin health too.

Number seven: Nuts
Nuts are rich in monounsaturated fatty acids, which are essential for a range of bodily functions. Additionally, they contain a variety of other nutrients, including vitamins K, E, folate, and thiamine, and minerals such as magnesium and potassium. Nuts are also rich in carotenoids and antioxidants. Most healthy types of nuts include almonds, pistachios, and walnuts.

Number eight: Garlic
Garlic is well known for its medicinal properties for centuries. The main active ingredient in garlic is allicin, which helps lower blood pressure and improves lipid levels in blood. Garlic also has anti-cancer, antibacterial, and antifungal properties. It is rich in vitamins C, B1, and B6, calcium, potassium, copper, manganese, and selenium.

Number nine: Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is rich in antioxidants, fiber, magnesium, manganese, and copper. It is one of the best snacks to eat in moderation. Consumption of dark chocolate is associated with a reduced risk of heart disease, improved blood pressure, and brain function. But it is important to make sure to get dark chocolate with at least 70 percent cocoa content.

Number ten: Potatoes
Potatoes are a popular root vegetable consumed all around the world. They are rich in potassium, magnesium, iron, copper, and manganese, and vitamin C. Potatoes are one of the most filling foods available and can be incorporated into the diet in a variety of ways. However, it is important to consume the whole food rather than snacks made with potatoes to get the maximum health benefits.

Number eleven: Animal Liver
Organ meats such as liver are one of the most nutrient-dense foods available. Liver is rich in high-quality animal protein, vitamins A, many of the B vitamins, including B12, and minerals such as iron, copper, zinc, phosphorus, and selenium. However, it is best to consume animal liver in moderation due to its likelihood of adverse outcomes since it is high in vitamin A. Pregnant mothers should completely avoid eating animal liver due to the increased risk of birth defects in the baby.

Number twelve: Shellfish
Shellfish such as oysters and clams are excellent sources of vitamin B12 and zinc. They also provide good amounts of vitamin D, other B vitamins, potassium, selenium, and iron. Moreover, shellfish are one of the best sources of high-quality animal protein.

Number thirteen: Seaweed
Seaweed are edible plant species found in the ocean and are one of the most nutritious foods on the planet. They are a common ingredient found in sushi. Most often, seaweed is more nutritious than vegetables. They provide minerals such as calcium, iron, magnesium, iodine, and manganese, as well as carotenoids and other antioxidants.

In addition to these foods, some other names worth mentioning include broccoli, ginger, spinach, beef, mushrooms, and sweet potatoes.

Nutrition for a Healthy Life

 

The Science and Impact of Aging on Our Bodies

From the minute we're born, we're aging. Constant exposure to our environment, the things we eat, and stresses from both inside and outside our bodies all cause us to age over time. Aging is highly complex, but scientists are starting to understand what happens at the cellular and molecular levels. For example, healthy cells are damaged over time when our immune systems shift from reacting to short-term problems like injuries and infections, to gradually producing chronic inflammation throughout the body. Time also gradually shortens the telomeres that act as protective caps for our DNA-containing chromosomes. These and other changes make our bodies less and less able to deal with stress from inside and outside of our body, so when damage reaches a critical level, our cells, tissues, and organs may no longer perform normally and our health starts to decline. The changes associated with aging start to happen on some level at day one. We begin to experience their effects early in life. For example, we lose the ability to hear certain high-frequency sounds as teenagers, our cognition and memory slowly decline after they peak in our mid-20s, the strength of our bones starts to decrease in our 30s, female fertility sharply declines after 35, age-related near-sightedness begins in our mid-40s, and our hair starts to gray and thin as early as our 30s and 40s. After the age of 50, the changes of aging become increasingly noticeable, and because aging is the biggest risk factor for most of the diseases that affect us as adults, the older we get, the higher our risk of chronic disease becomes. While scientists have not yet found a way to stop these processes of aging, they are learning more and more about how to maintain health throughout our lives. Some aspects of aging are out of our control--like our genetics and our family history--but we can educate ourselves about moderate risk factors and do our best to reduce them through healthy lifestyle and diet choices. Most of us can be healthy and active well into our later years, if we take care of ourselves. It's no surprise that regular physical activity can help maintain a healthy weight, improve moods and sleep habits, and boost overall health. And it's clear that a well-balanced diet full of nutritious foods, is critical to good health. But when it comes to understanding which foods are the best choices, much nutrition research has focused on how certain foods or nutrients may have a negative effect on health, or even play a role in disease development. More recently, scientists have begun to explore and understand how nutrition may play a role in promoting healthy aging throughout all of life's stages. We are rapidly learning about what foods and nutrients should be emphasized in our diets, and how they can enhance our health. Diets full of fruits and veggies, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and lean meats, have proven health benefits like lowering blood pressure, improving glucose control in diabetes, weight loss, improving arthritis, and reducing the risk of cancer and cardiovascular events, to name a few. And we are learning more about the specific nutrients that can impact health. For example, plant pigments found in bright orange and red fruits and vegetables may prevent and slow the progression of eye diseases. Calcium helps to keep bones strong. B vitamins play a role in maintaining brain health. And flavonoids from many plants may improve the health of our cardiovascular systems. The bottom line is that YOU have the power to maintain and improve your health, add vitality to your years, and reduce your risk of disease. And it's never too late to make a change. To learn more about the nutrients that are critical to your health, and how to safely turn to supplements if you aren't getting enough of these nutrients in your diet, watch Healthy Aging With Nutrition

"Six behaviors to increase your confidence"

 

Building Confidence Through Action: Six Key Behaviors

When I was in high school, my mom asked me to order a pizza for the family on a Friday night. I looked up the number in the phone book and promptly handed the phone to my older brother to place the call. I was too shy to talk to a stranger. Fast-forward to college at the University of Illinois, my first time away from my small town. I spent the first several weeks crying in my dorm room, too homesick to partake in early freshman partying. The one frat party I did attend was so disappointing; I wanted to trade in my books, abandon my major and head back home to my small town. The confident behaviors I needed to pursue this dream were not yet available. And when I looked around at the confident students walking around me on campus, heads held high, pursuing a dream that they had set out to achieve, I wanted that kind of confidence too. But my behaviors did not align with these confident attitudes. Crying in my dorm room, shying away from social engagement, not showing up for class because I was worried others were smarter than me - these were not going to lead me to achieve my goal. So all I knew was that I needed to change.

Research tells us that in order to get people to change, you need to not start with the attitudes, but with the behaviors associated with those attitudes. When people can see themselves behaving differently, they then begin to act differently. So the questions for me were, “Who am I?” “Who do I want to become?” and “How does this person I want to become behave?” The answers were that I wanted a successful career, one that meant something, allowed me to contribute. And for me, that was defined as a career as a sports executive. In order to achieve this goal, I needed to begin to act more confidently. And I did. Because 13 years later, I became the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years. (Cheers) Thank you. (Applause) I also went on to host the “Leadership is Female” podcast, where I’ve interviewed over 90 female executives in sports, an industry that’s over 80% male at management level and above. And time after time, these women have told me that the number one skill they’ve improved in order to earn their spot at the top of the sports industry is confidence. They, like me, did not possess this confidence necessary to increase their level in their career from the get-go. They had to work on the behaviors associated with this attitude in order to propel their career forward.

So I’m here today to share with you six behaviors you can start today to increase your confidence. Why is it important to increase our confidence? Well, think of this: How would you behave or what could you achieve if you were 10 times more confident?

Number one, count yourself in.

I spoke with a woman about her first time doing sideline reporting at a nationally televised basketball game. She was shaking in her heels, standing courtside, nerves overtaking her until she heard something familiar in her headset. “We’ll be on in five, and three, two, one, you’re live.” And she performed with excellence. The nerves melted away. She’s an athlete, a former basketball player used to performing on the court by the clock. And the tactic remained true. Counting will get you started, and momentum will keep you going.

I have used this technique. I’ve had more uncomfortable conversations than I care to recall, but one I’ll share with you today. I vividly remember standing on the warning track of the baseball field 45 minutes before game time, looking at the opposing manager and his team wearing the wrong color uniform. I wanted to turn and run back up to my office and hide. But instead, faced him head-on, and I said in my mind, “Three, two, one, go.” And I started walking towards him. And when I arrived, we had a very uncomfortable conversation about his team wearing the wrong color uniform. Yes, I had to ask these grown men to change their clothes. It was so awkward. But when I asked myself, “Who am I? And how do I behave?” The answer was that I’m a person who’s not too shy to stand up for what I believe, what is right and stand up to conflict. Counting got me started, and momentum kept me going.

Number two, what if you only had to be brave for a total of 20 seconds?

Give yourself 20 seconds of courage. This behavior helped me enormously when I published my podcast “Leadership is Female,” bold title and all, for all the world to see, hear, critique and have their opinions. I vividly remember sitting on the carpet of my closet floor, holding my computer, looking at the “Upload” button, thinking to myself, “Does it need any more edits? Should I listen to it one more time?” And I told myself, “Emily, give yourself 20 seconds of courage.” And I hit “Publish,” and it was done. And guess what? I kept breathing, and the world kept turning. And the podcast grew into what it was meant to be. All because of 20 seconds of courage.

Number three, take a seat at the table.

Not metaphorically speaking; actually, take a seat at the table. I spoke with a woman who represents some of the biggest names in baseball, and she told me a story about taking a seat at the table. She noticed women waiting around the edges of the room, waiting for the seats to be filled. And worse yet, she was doing it too. In order to become the more confident woman that she envisioned herself to be, she needed to go in, sit down, speak her mind and get the deal done. That started with one simple action: Taking a seat at the table.

Number four, cheer for other people’s success.

They say that women will pull up the ladder behind them. What if you didn’t? What if you extended a hand back to lead her forward? What if you celebrated the success of a colleague rather than feeling sorry for yourself that it was not you accepting the accolades? Confident people celebrate the success of others rather than feeling threatened. Think of this great quote from Amy Poehler: “Good for her, not for me.” It turns that pit in your stomach of “Oh, she did that? And I’m still here.” into “Yes! Good for her! Not for me.” This is her celebration, not mine. And when my time comes, isn’t it going to be great to have the support of so many people around me? Wins are so much better celebrated together. Join in; cheer someone else on.

Here’s number four in action: Recently, a woman was promoted to chief marketing officer of a major\ sports league. The offer to interview and ultimately land the job came after her public celebration and sincere congratulatory outreach to the newly named female league president. Confident people support those around them. Cheer for someone else’s success.

Number five, bolster your confidence for a new activity through your already great performance in another.

What are you really good at? What is easier today than it was one year ago? What is your most proud accomplishment? Answer those questions. Think about those answers. Those answers are where your confidence is born. Confidence is born in all we’ve already done and already achieved. Recently, a woman I interviewed on the “Leadership is Female” podcast was going after a big, big promotion at a top team. Before she went in to pitch to her boss, she reviewed her current job description, made notes of her accolades in all areas mentioned, and then was prepared with examples and the confidence of the success she had in the past. She got the promotion. Use your prior success to propel yourself forward.

Number six, celebrate constantly.

How often do we reach our goals and then just immediately move on? When we do this, the recollection of that success is diminished. How can we confidently move forward if we can’t remember what we achieved, or worse yet, link that accomplishment to stress? Find ways to celebrate that are meaningful to you, like creating a highlight reel on your cell phone of your most proud accomplishments. Take your team out for celebratory drinks when you close the big deal. Buy yourself a massage or maybe order a pizza when you reach your personal goals. It doesn’t matter how you celebrate; it matters that you do. This will create a marker in your brain to rewire and reinforce the behaviors that led to success in the first place.

I’ve come a long way from the girl who couldn’t order a pizza to the woman who became GM of a minor league baseball team, started a podcast and delivered a TEDx talk. All because I made the decision to become a more confident person. And I hope you do too. Because how many runs could you score if you were 10 times more confident? Thank you.

"Secret to Understanding Humans"

 

Understanding Human Motivation and the Common Needs That Drive Us

Is it possible to understand everyone at a deep and meaningful level, to get what really matters to people, no matter how different they are from you? That proposition sounds a little absurd. After all, human psychology is really complex. Some people are abused as children, others are loved and supported. The brain of an 18-year-old girl who sleeps with her cell phone is different than an 80-year-old man who can't remember the names of his children. There's no one way to understand everyone, no broad operating principle. That's the conventional wisdom, it makes perfect sense, and yet, it's a myth. A few years ago, I was watching TV, scenes from Afghanistan. A group of teenage boys was standing in the back of a dusty pickup, waving rifles, and one boy wrapped in a white cloth, with dazzling blue-green eyes, was staring directly into the camera. He looked intent, menacing, and that was the point of the piece: we should be afraid because young men were passionate about killing Americans. Let me tell you about another boy: my nephew, Rory. At the time I saw this piece, Rory was a freshman in college, at Harvard. But Rory is not full of himself. In a word, he's sweet. He's not a hugger, but he'll always hug me because he knows that I am. He bakes brownies with his young cousins. He wants to be a doctor one day. I'm proud of Rory, and I can't imagine a kid more different than that one from Afghanistan, except, at a fundamental level, these two boys are exactly the same. They've chosen their respective paths, join the Taliban, go to Harvard, for the same internal reasons: they both would like respect. Everyone knows that when you go to Harvard, people look up to you for the rest of your life, and when you join the Taliban, little kids look on in awe as you drive by in that dusty vehicle. They also want community belonging. Rory's got close friends, the men of Harvard, but no closer, I'd bet, than the men of the Taliban. And lastly and probably most important to both, they want to make a difference in their worlds, they want to help those they love. What's amazing and horrifying is that one will learn to be a doctor and the other will learn to kill. It's true that human behavior is amazingly varied and complex, but at the level of motivation, at the level of what drives us to do all those different things, we're actually identical. There's a formula for understanding why we do what we do, and once you get it, you get it. There are 30 basic human motivations. Let me give you a quick primer. There's the obvious, the physical. We want to survive: we need air, food and water. There's a second category, of relational needs, that help us understand how to balance our self-interest and that of the community. We all want to receive care, understanding, love, but at the same time, we want to give our love, to help others in our lives. Then there's a third category of needs you'd call aspirational, or spiritual. We want to grow, we all crave adventure and beauty. I'm not going to go through the whole list because everything on the list you're already familiar with. But don't then mistake this for that old high school sociology lesson, where the teacher says, "Human beings have needs; if they're not fulfilled, unhappiness and war." That's all true, but I'm not here to make that macro sociological point. I'm here to help you understand the micro, the human individual, in any given moment, what drives your mother, your spouse, your boss. Human behavior, no matter how seemingly bizarre or mundane, is designed internally to fulfill one or some of the common needs. If you want to understand what really matters to a person at the level of deep motivation, ask: which of the common needs have they been pursuing? Here's a story from my personal life. My wife Shelly sometimes gets upset with me for not cleaning the dishes to her exacting standard. I can see her there, as I'm cleaning, over my left shoulder, pretending to read the mail, watching me. Now, I could easily conclude, "That's a little weird. She might be OCD." (Laughter) But these brilliant observations don't get me very far. If I want to understand my wife, and I do, I ask a basic question: what needs are driving her? Shelly's a busy woman. She teaches high school full-time, she drives our kids everywhere, she calls my mom to say hi and "I love you." Excuse me. I got a little emotional with that. (Laughter) She calls my mom to say hi and "I love you." Clean dishes, neatly stacked and put away, fulfill in her the common needs for order and rest. Finally some peace of mind. And there's one more huge need motivating her dishwash spine: when I leave stuff on the dishes, like that big piece of vermicelli hanging off the back, that's so super obvious to her, after she's said, "Larry, do a good job this time; this time, please, do a good job," she concludes I don't care about her. If you want to understand everyone, including Shelly, the outside world matters to us only because we're trying to fulfill needs internally. She doesn't really care about clean dishes. At depth, she, like everyone else, wants respect, to be loved. Human behavior is complex, but human motivation is actually simple. We seek these common needs, and nothing else. Now, I didn't myself discover that common needs drive human behavior. The idea was proposed around 50 years ago by the psychologist Carl Rogers and then further developed by the extraordinary peacemaker Marshall Rosenberg. I came across their concepts around 15 years ago, and they made good sense to me. So, I began to implement them in my personal life, to decode family and friends. And I was understanding people. I was intrigued, but I was also skeptical. I asked Marshall Rosenberg, "Why 30 needs, and not 755?" And he said, "Oh, it could be 30 or 755. The need to survive, for example, could be further broken down into the needs to not walk off a cliff, or to not be eaten by predators. Thirty is just a useful level of aggregation." I thought, "OK, that's a good answer, but what about this Marshall? What are needs, from a neurological perspective? What's happening in the brain? How do they actually motivate us?" And here, Marshall said, "Oh, that's simple. Needs are life force, human life force." And I thought, "Whoa. That's not science at all." And so, I spent the next two years meeting with neuropsychologists and speaking with evolutionary biologists and reading cognitive journals with footnotes, and I eventually concluded this needs stuff is grounded in solid science. And because research shows that if you mention the word "neuroscience" or "brain" in a big talk, it's a thousand times more likely to go viral, (Laughter) let me say, this is neuroscience. (Laughter) Brain science. Neuro and brain. Neuro-brain. (Laughter) Now, I'm not a scientist. I'm a lawyer, a mediator, and a writer. But being a layperson has allowed me to unravel this science, to translate it away from chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine and into what I believe is a useful narrative. And so, here's what I believe is going on in the human brain, with needs. The human unconscious evaluates the world, telling us whether it's dangerous or friendly. That's its job. Once it reaches its conclusion, it's got to motivate the whole system, including the conscious mind, to do something about it. How? If it concludes that the world's dangerous, we naturally feel fear or anxiety, and we try to get less of what caused it. If it concludes the world is friendly, we naturally feel happy or excited and we try to get more. But, and this is the key, how does the unconscious determine what's dangerous and what's friendly? It's not just left up to each of us individually. Rather, the criteria upon which we evaluate the world is born into you and born into me and born into all of us. Those are the human needs. Those specific criteria were honed through evolution, because they allow us to survive, to relate to other people, and ultimately, to make more people. "Am I being respected?" "Am I making a contribution in the world?" "Does she think I'm cute?" If so, pleasure, get more of that! If not, pain, change the world. It took me several years to unravel the science in a way that made narrative sense to me. And yet, in that time, I actually stopped caring so much about what was happening in the brain. I was using this and understanding people in a way that I didn't think was possible. I was seeing their hearts, it worked, and really, that's what counts. I'd like to tie this together with a story. As I said, I'm a mediator. When people are at war, they come to me and I help them work it out. Not too long ago, I was visited by a couple that had already been divorced. The ex-wife, Sophia, said a precious object had gone missing. What was it? Sophia had never met her father, and her mother died when she was a little girl. She was raised by her grandmother, and in her grandmother's house hung this large painting, painted by Sophia's grandmother, of Sophia's mother. Sophia used to look at this painting when she was a little girl and imagine herself holding her mom's hand and kissing her mom's cheek. Sophia's grandmother, the painter, died a few weeks before the mediation, and in her final hours, she signed the back of the painting. Sophia's ex-husband, Jorge, had taken the painting and had hidden it. And when Sophia learned of this, she was in pain. She felt betrayed. She wanted it back. I asked Jorge, "Why did you take the painting?" And Jorge said, "Because, years ago, I bought a new home, and I wanted to hang the painting in my new living room, to make it beautiful." I said, "Jorge, would you like to give the painting back to Sophia?" He said, "No. I know it meant something to her, but it means something to me too. It's my right to keep the painting." I then asked, "What are your needs?" He said, "I want respect. I want to be heard. I want to matter. I want my life to matter. I want to make a difference. I want to contribute." We talked for a while, and I asked him again, "Would you like to give the painting back?" He said, "Yes, I would." I asked Sophia, "What do you need?" And she said, "I need my dignity. I need to be loved. I need to be heard. I need to feel like I matter." I asked her, "Would you like to let Jorge keep the painting?" She said, "Yes, because I need him to understand that I matter." After two hours of talking, both of them agreed that they had received the thing that really mattered most, and they were able to let go of the painting. What had actually happened there was they were both able to see each other's common needs, both felt they had been heard, respected, loved, and both walked out of there with the experience of having been seen and understood, at the deepest level. And that, I think, is the secret. Human behavior is complex, human motivation is simple. At the level of motivation, we are all the same. At that level, there is no "them" and "us." We all just want the same things.

"Casually Explained: Being Healthy"

 

The Myth of Nutrition and Diets

Well, it's pretty common knowledge that certain foods are healthy, and others aren't so much, it's pretty rare that you ever get an explanation as to why. And one thing that bothers me quite a bit is when someone says to eat something because: "It's good for you!" or "It's a superfood!" And almost universally, what that really translates to is: It grows in nature. Ironically, half the time, it only grows in nature because we've selectively bred it over thousands of years to be that way. And when half of our leading source of nutrition advice are Pinterest recipes, a lot of what we consider "common knowledge" is actually completely made up. As an example, one of the common terms you'll see online with regards to healthy food is that something gets rid of toxins in your body, which really doesn't make any sense. "If your body is filled with toxins and certain foods, remove them," then that means "We could've brought back Steve Irwin with a blueberry smoothie." In reality, almost all supplements or foods that get rid of toxins are really just laxatives or diuretics. So it makes you feel like they're somehow flushing something away, when in reality, you could have just put three shots of vodka in your latte like a regular person. The next thing you'll often run into are online recipes for anything made overnight with a mason jar, telling you're not getting enough antioxidants. And one of the ways you can tell if you're not getting antioxidants is by looking at your skin and seeing if it's starting to rust. And while they do play a role in your body, the problem with suggesting that you should consume more is that it's fundamentally like saying "The more oil you have in your car, the less likely it is to break down." Which is not true, because too much actually makes things worse. The good news is that if you do have too much oil in your car, you can add the excess to your overnight oats, because motor oil is also high in antioxidants. Another common idea that's recently started to shift is that you should never skip breakfast, which there is absolutely no scientific basis for except that breakfast food is my favorite. I think the funny thing is that when I used to tell people I skipped breakfast, they thought I was crazy, but now I can say: "I'm doing intermittent fasting." And they're like: "Oh, very disciplined." When in reality, I just woke up at noon. Relatedly, the next thing that's often incredibly misunderstood is diet. Especially with things like paleo, keto, intermittent fasting, and varying degrees of vegetarianism becoming so popular. We've all heard limitless jokes about: "How do you know if someone is a vegan; because they'll tell you. Hahaha, classic comedy!" That's not even the case anymore. I see way more people on low-carb ketogenic diets post things on the internet, like: "Look at this fool I saw today, eating an apple like an absolute normie," as they show their Costco haul of pork rinds and butter. The most important thing to know is that generally speaking: Weight is regulated by calorie intake, so you have a certain amount of calories you burn in a day, and if you repeatedly intake more than that, you'll gain weight, and if you intake less of that, you'll lose weight. As a quick disclaimer, the exact amount of calories absorbed from food isn't always 100%, which is why some people claim calories in, calories out isn't true, but being exact, calories metabolized and absorbed minus calories burned always is true. Now for the average person, the amount of calories burned is around 2000 - 2500 calories a day, then the generally accepted rule is that there is 3500 calories in a pound of body fat. So say you wanted to get thick because it's 2019, you would have to eat roughly calories above your daily maintenance for 71 days to gain 10 pounds. Then if we look at the composition of food itself, all food is made up of three primary macronutrients that serve a different bodily function, and each has a different calorie value: We have fat, which has 9 calories per gram. Protein, which has 4 calories per gram. And carbohydrates which have 4 calories per gram as well. And then there's a fourth bonus macronutrient: alcohol, which has 7 calories per gram. As for their physiological roles, loosely speaking: Fat regulates hormones and stops your cells from imploding. Protein is for bodily function and muscular regeneration. Carbohydrates are primarily for aerobic and anaerobic activity. And then alcohol, which sadly just poisons you. The good news is that because too much alcohol is toxic, if your friend is passed out in the club bathroom, you can flush out the alcohol by popping a blueberry under their tongue, just like a senzu bean. Below that, we have fibre and micronutrients, which are all your vitamins and minerals, just make sure you get enough of these or your teeth will fall out. Now, with these fundamentals in mind, if we start to take a look at all the popular and successful diets out there nowadays, the fact of the matter is that almost all of them have good points but they also all have bad points. Meaning you're not an enlightened member of the nutritional Illuminati, just because you've stopped eating bread. If we take a look at all the most common diets that cover the full spectrum of plant-based to animal-based, you can see they all have pros and cons. Veganism is sustainable and very nice to the animals, but it's a bit hard to get the right macronutrients, and you constantly have to wonder if your friends don't want you for dinner because of your dietary restrictions, or just your personality. Vegetarianism is sustainable and nice to the animals, but limited food choices. Paleo diets are good for weight loss, but again, limited food choice. Ketogenic diets, very good for weight loss because it massively regulates blood sugar, which affects cravings and appetite, but it's extremely limited in terms of food choice. Not very good for anyone doing anaerobic sports because there are no available carbohydrates, but it's actually not bad if you run ultra, ultra, ultra marathons. So the next time you go for a hundred mile run, make sure to bring your pepperoni holster. Carnivorous diets, these ones are a bit weird, and they're very unsustainable, but very good for weight loss and autoimmune disorders / arthritis / certain types of depression. And while there have been some pretty miraculous anecdotes, the downside is that it has not been studied long term and everyone in the restaurant will think you're a serial killer as you peel the breading off your KFC family bucket. For some reason the community is also really involved with cryptocurrency, so if anyone was actually in the nutritional Illuminati, this would be it. And then finally the classic "If It Fits Your Macros", which means eating whatever you want as long as if it fits within the designated calorie limit and matches the amount of protein fat and carbohydrates you've allotted. This is common for athletes and people who want to be bodybuilders, but in the 7 years they've been going to the gym, they've only made 2 years worth of progress. Speaking of the gym, there are also a few misconceptions when it comes to exercise, and one of the most common jokes you hear in weightlifting communities is making fun of people who say: "I'm just looking to tone." Because the only two variables to your physical appearance is the volume of muscle you have, and the volume of fat you have. It's also incredibly difficult to gain muscle, so you'll often hear girls and even guys say: "You know, I'm worried that if I start lifting weights, I'll get too big." And unfortunately, the thing is: No matter how much you believe you're an anime protagonist, it just isn't going to happen. Ultimately, there are two main ways of improving your physical health through exercise, which are strength training, and cardiovascular training. In other words: How strong is your body, and how strong is your heart... And lungs. And well, even 30 minutes to an hour of walking a day is enough to make sure everything keeps working, further training at the gym is not only a good idea, it's a lifestyle. Where you can lift a heavy thing now, so you can be in pain for a while, and then lift a slightly heavier thing later, or ski on the elliptical until exhaustion so that once your heart eventually recovers, you'll have more love to give.

"Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong"

The Cost of Bad Mental Habits

 So, I have a Facebook friend whose life seems perfect. She lives in a gorgeous house. And she has a really rewarding career. And she and her family go on all these exciting adventures together on the weekends. And I swear that they must take a professional photographer along with them, (Laughter) because no matter where they go or what they do, the whole family just looks beautiful. And she's always posting about how blessed she is, and how grateful she is for the life that she has. And I get the feeling that she's not just saying those things for the sake of Facebook, but she truly means it. How many of you have a friend kind of like that? And how many of you kind of don't like that person sometimes? (Laughter) We all do this, right? It's hard not to do. But that way of thinking costs us something. And that's what I want to talk to you about today-- is what our bad habits cost us. Maybe you've scrolled through your Facebook feed and you think, "So what if I roll my eyes? It's just five seconds of my time. How could it be hurting me?" Well, researchers have found that envying your friends on Facebook, actually leads to depression. That's just one of the traps that our minds can set for us. Have you ever complained about your boss? Or looked at your friends' lives and thought, "Why do they have all the luck?" You can't help thinking that way, right? That way of thinking seems small in the moment. In fact, it might even make you feel better in the moment. But that way of thinking is eating away at your mental strength. There's three kinds of destructive beliefs that make us less effective, and rob us of our mental strength. The first one is unhealthy beliefs about ourselves. We tend to feel sorry for ourselves. And while it's OK to be sad when something bad happens, self-pity goes beyond that. It's when you start to magnify your misfortune. When you think things like, "Why do these things always have to happen to me?" "I shouldn't have to deal with it." That way of thinking keeps you stuck, keeps you focused on the problem, keeps you from finding a solution. And even when you can't create a solution, you can always take steps to make your life or somebody else's life better. But you can't do that when you're busy hosting your own pity party. The second type of destructive belief that holds us back is unhealthy beliefs about others. We think that other people can control us, and we give away our power. But as adults who live in a free country, there's very few things in life that you have to do. So when you say, "I have to work late," you give away your power. Yeah, maybe there will be consequences if you don't work late, but it's still a choice. Or when you say, "My mother-in-law drives me crazy," you give away your power. Maybe she's not the nicest person on earth, but it's up to you how you respond to her, because you're in control. The third type of unhealthy belief that holds us back, is unhealthy beliefs about the world. We tend to think that the world owes us something. We think, "If I put in enough hard work, then I deserve success." But expecting success to fall into your lap like some sort of cosmic reward, will only lead to disappointment. But I know it's hard to give up our bad mental habits. It's hard to get rid of those unhealthy beliefs that we've carried around with us for so long. But you can't afford not to give them up. Because sooner or later, you're going to hit a time in your life where you need all the mental strength that you can muster. When I was 23 years old, I thought I had life all figured out. I graduated from grad school. I landed my first big job as a therapist. I got married. And I even bought a house. And I thought, "This is going to be great!" "I've got this incredible jump start on success." What could go wrong? That all changed for me one day when I got a phone call from my sister. She said that our mother was found unresponsive and she'd been taken to the hospital. My husband Lincoln and I jumped in the car and rushed to the hospital. We couldn't imagine what could be wrong. My mother was only 51. She didn't have any history of any kind of health problems. When we got to the hospital, doctors explained she'd had a brain aneurysm. And within 24 hours, my mother, who used to wake up in the morning saying, "It's a great day to be alive," passed away. That news was devastating to me. My mother and I had been very close. As a therapist, I knew on an intellectual level how to go through grief. But knowing it, and doing it, can be two very different things. It took a long time before I felt like I was really healing. And then on the three year anniversary of my mother's death, some friends called, and invited Lincoln and me to a basketball game. Coincidentally, it was being played at the same auditorium where I'd last seen my mother, on the night before she'd passed away. I hadn't been back there since. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go back. But Lincoln and I talked about it, and ultimately we said, "Maybe that would be a good way to honor her memory." So we went to the game. And we actually had a really good time with our friends. On the drive home that night, we talked about how great it was to finally be able to go back to that place, and remember my mother with a smile, rather than all those feelings of sadness. But shortly after we got home that night, Lincoln said he didn't feel well. A few minutes later, he collapsed. I had to call for an ambulance. His family met me at the emergency room. We waited for what seemed like forever, until finally a doctor came out. But rather than taking us out back to see Lincoln, he took us back to a private room, and sat us down, and explained to us that Lincoln, who was the most adventurous person I'd ever met, was gone. We didn't know at the time, but he'd had a heart attack. He was only 26. He didn't have any history of heart problems. So now I found myself a 26-year-old widow, and I didn't have my mom. I thought, "How am I going to get through this/" And to describe that as a painful period in my life feels like an understatement. And it was during that time that I realized when you're really going through tough times, good habits aren't enough. It only takes one or two small habits to really hold you back. I worked as hard as I could, not just to create good habits in my life, but to get rid of those small habits, no matter how small they might seem. Throughout it all, I held out hope that someday life could get better. And eventually it did. A few years down the road, I met Steve. And we fell in love. And I got remarried. We sold the house that Lincoln and I had lived in, and we bought a new house, in a new area, and I got a new job. But almost as quickly as I breathed my sigh of relief over that fresh start that I had, we got the news that Steve's dad had terminal cancer. And I started to think, "Why do these things always have to keep happening?" "Why do I have to keep losing all my loved ones?" "This isn't fair." But if I'd learned anything, it was that that way of thinking would hold me back. I knew I was going to need as much mental strength as I could muster, to get through one more loss. So I sat down and I wrote a list of all the things mentally strong people don't do. And I read over that list. It was a reminder of all of those bad habits that I'd done at one time or another, that would keep me stuck. And I kept reading that list over and over. And I really needed it. Because within a few weeks of writing it, Steve's dad passed away. My journey taught me that the secret to being mentally strong, was that you had to give up your bad mental habits. Mental strength is a lot like physical strength. If you wanted to be physically strong, you'd need to go to the gym and lift weights. But if you really wanted to see results, you'd also have to give up eating junk food. Mental strength is the same. If you want to be mentally strong, you need good habits like practicing gratitude. But you also have to give up bad habits, like resenting somebody else's success. No matter how often that happens, it will hold you back. So, how do you train your brain to think differently? How do you give up those bad mental habits that you've carried around with you? It starts by countering those unhealthy beliefs that I talked about, with healthier ones. For example, unhealthy beliefs about ourselves mostly come about because we're uncomfortable with our feelings. Feeling sad, or hurt, or angry, or scared, those things are all uncomfortable. So we go to great lengths to avoid that discomfort. We try to escape it by doing things like hosting a pity party. And although that's a temporary distraction, it just prolongs the pain. The only way to get through uncomfortable emotions, the only way to deal with them, is you have to go through them. To let yourself feel sad, and then move on. To gain confidence in your ability to deal with that discomfort. Unhealthy beliefs about others come about because we compare ourselves to other people. We think that they're either above us or below us. Or we think that they can control how we feel. Or that we can control how they behave. Or we think they should act differently. When you compare yourself to others, it leads to resentment and jealousy. So you have to stop comparing yourself to others. And let go of expectations that the world owes you something. Because no matter how much we want the world to give us everything we feel we deserve, it never works out that way. You have to remember that the world doesn't owe you anything. You have to be in charge of your own life. And when you're able to do that, when you take ownership of your life, that's when you'll stop being stuck. And that's when you will find the mental strength that you need to deal with anything that life throws your way.

"Essential Morning Habits for a Productive Day"

 

Morning Routine for a Productive Day

The morning is the most important part of the day when you win the morning you have a better chance of winning the afternoon and the evening too the first thing you should do every morning is to drink water seventy percent of your body is made of water so it's essential to keep it fresh and topped up to keep the body working properly during sleep you typically haven't been drinking for about seven to eight hours or even longer giving the body water first when you wake up is a great way to get your body and your mind going we suggest you to drink about one to two glasses of fresh water and if you want you can add some lemon to it lemon contains vitamin c which supports brain function your immune system and boosts your mood on top of that it just tastes better than normal water the second thing you should do is a simple 3-minute mobility routine when waking up your body is usually a bit stiff doing mobility exercises in the morning will warm up and mobilize your muscles lubricate your joints and increases your brain functions too exercising in general improves your mood your physical and mental energy and enhances your metabolism you start in a deep squat and hold it for about 30 seconds if you like you can add some smooth motion to it after that you do the downward dog to cobra pose for 60 seconds straight repeat this one more time and you are done with your morning mobility training when you do the deep squat go as deep as possible without losing the tension keep your heels on the ground abduct your thighs keep your spine straight tuck your chin and pull your shoulder blades together the most benefit will come from small additional movements like reaching up with one or both arms circling your knees tilting your upper body forward and so on when you do the downward dog to cobra pose you start in a downward dog position and try to move your armpits towards your toes as far as possible you can also add rotations and shoulder movements in this position to stretch the lats and the obliques and activate the muscles around your shoulder blades from there you switch to the push up position with a rounded spine and continue the transition with the cobra pose and an extended spine in this way you mobilize your spine and activate all the muscles around it in the cobra pose itself you can also add some shoulder and shoulder blade movements to warm up and mobilize this area as well the last thing you should do every morning is eating a healthy breakfast on the other hand it's also possible to skip the breakfast for example when you do intermittent fasting depending on how you eat in general and what you plant for the day you can benefit from both options a good start for the day are oats with water or milk and some fruits oats have a lot of important minerals and vitamins they improve your gut functions and are a good non-animal-based protein source the complex carbohydrates are digested slowly and don't raise your blood sugar levels too quickly fruits and especially berries are very good to give your body further important nutrients like vitamins and antioxidant secondary plant components back to mobility if you like the routine from this video and want more of it you need to check out our mobility program and of course we also offer a solution for nutrition our nutrition toolbox helps you to create your own nutrition program just like you want it and if you find out that it's not the right way of eating for you you can just change it anytime and adapt it to your preferences if you have any further questions just leave a comment thanks.

"How sugar affects the brain"

 

The Sweet Science of Sugar and Its Effect on the Brain

Picture warm, gooey cookies, crunchy candies, velvety cakes, waffle cones piled high with ice cream. Is your mouth watering? Are you craving dessert? Why? What happens in the brain that makes sugary foods so hard to resist? Sugar is a general term used to describe a class of molecules called carbohydrates, and it's found in a wide variety of food and drink. Just check the labels on sweet products you buy. Glucose, fructose, sucrose, maltose, lactose, dextrose, and starch are all forms of sugar. So are high-fructose corn syrup, fruit juice, raw sugar, and honey. And sugar isn't just in candies and desserts, it's also added to tomato sauce, yogurt, dried fruit, flavored waters, or granola bars. Since sugar is everywhere, it's important to understand how it affects the brain. What happens when sugar hits your tongue? And does eating a little bit of sugar make you crave more? You take a bite of cereal. The sugars it contains activate the sweet-taste receptors, part of the taste buds on the tongue. These receptors send a signal up to the brain stem, and from there, it forks off into many areas of the forebrain, one of which is the cerebral cortex. Different sections of the cerebral cortex process different tastes: bitter, salty, umami, and, in our case, sweet. From here, the signal activates the brain's reward system. This reward system is a series of electrical and chemical pathways across several different regions of the brain. It's a complicated network, but it helps answer a single, subconscious question: should I do that again? That warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you taste Grandma's chocolate cake? That's your reward system saying, "Mmm, yes!" And it's not just activated by food. Socializing, sexual behavior, and drugs are just a few examples of things and experiences that also activate the reward system. But overactivating this reward system kickstarts a series of unfortunate events: loss of control, craving, and increased tolerance to sugar. Let's get back to our bite of cereal. It travels down into your stomach and eventually into your gut. And guess what? There are sugar receptors here, too. They are not taste buds, but they do send signals telling your brain that you're full or that your body should produce more insulin to deal with the extra sugar you're eating. The major currency of our reward system is dopamine, an important chemical or neurotransmitter. There are many dopamine receptors in the forebrain, but they're not evenly distributed. Certain areas contain dense clusters of receptors, and these dopamine hot spots are a part of our reward system. Drugs like alcohol, nicotine, or heroin send dopamine into overdrive, leading some people to constantly seek that high, in other words, to be addicted. Sugar also causes dopamine to be released, though not as violently as drugs. And sugar is rare among dopamine-inducing foods. Broccoli, for example, has no effect, which probably explains why it's so hard to get kids to eat their veggies. Speaking of healthy foods, let's say you're hungry and decide to eat a balanced meal. You do, and dopamine levels spike in the reward system hot spots. But if you eat that same dish many days in a row, dopamine levels will spike less and less, eventually leveling out. That's because when it comes to food, the brain evolved to pay special attention to new or different tastes. Why? Two reasons: first, to detect food that's gone bad. And second, because the more variety we have in our diet, the more likely we are to get all the nutrients we need. To keep that variety up, we need to be able to recognize a new food, and more importantly, we need to want to keep eating new foods. And that's why the dopamine levels off when a food becomes boring. Now, back to that meal. What happens if in place of the healthy, balanced dish, you eat sugar-rich food instead? If you rarely eat sugar or don't eat much at a time, the effect is similar to that of the balanced meal. But if you eat too much, the dopamine response does not level out. In other words, eating lots of sugar will continue to feel rewarding. In this way, sugar behaves a little bit like a drug. It's one reason people seem to be hooked on sugary foods. So, think back to all those different kinds of sugar. Each one is unique, but every time any sugar is consumed, it kickstarts a domino effect in the brain that sparks a rewarding feeling. Too much, too often, and things can go into overdrive. So, yes, overconsumption of sugar can have addictive effects on the brain, but a wedge of cake once in a while won't hurt you.

"Nutrition MYTHS Experts Wish Would Die"

 

Super Interesting Article on Nutrition Myths

Super interesting article just came out in the New York Times where they asked 10 nutrition scientists about their pet peeves, the common nutrition myth they wish would die. I already went through, I agree with some, I have questions about others, so let's take a look.

---

Myth #1: Fresh Fruits and Vegetables Are Always Healthier Than Canned, Frozen, or Dried

Myth number one, fresh fruits and vegetables are always healthier than canned, frozen, or dried. Yeah, I agree this is a myth, there are specific studies looking at this and measuring, and in general, freezing is pretty good at keeping nutrient content. Sometimes it's even better than buying fresh because in reality, we don't eat everything the day we buy it; it sits in the fridge for a couple of days, and by the time we eat it, the frozen product may actually have more nutrition preserved because it degrades slower. So, studies have actually measured and shown that. Now, leafy greens may be a bit of an outlier—freezing things like spinach can cause some nutrients, like some vitamins, for example, their level can come down by 25% or so. But depending on how long your vegetables sit in the fridge if you buy them fresh, the difference between refrigerated and frozen isn't that big. The other factor, of course, is waste. Sometimes vegetables sit in the fridge too long, they go bad, and we have to toss them, so buying frozen can actually result in saving some kaching and of course less environmental impact because that's less food that gets produced only to be thrown away. Now, one caveat of preserved food are the additives, canned beans for example can come with a lot of sodium added, and canned fruit sometimes comes in this sugary, syrupy water, so those are some things to look out for. But in general, frozen fruits and vegetables are pretty good options.

---

Myth #2: All Fat Is Bad

Myth number two, all fat is bad. Yeah, this is a relic from the 20th century, from last century, and I still see this here and there on social media. I think what happens is sometimes people lose weight on a low-fat diet, and then they get told, "See, it was the fat you took out that's unhealthy." It's not. We can lose weight on all kinds of diets, it doesn't necessarily mean that the thing we left out is automatically unhealthy; you just cut out a source of calories. Eating too many calories is bad for us, whether it's from fat or not. One problem with the fat phobia is people can be drawn to buy and consume ultra-processed foods labeled low-fat or no fat added and end up eating a lot of refined carbohydrates. I know most viewers of this channel wouldn't fall for that, but that's a pretty common problem. Now, some people like to eat low-fat diets mostly from whole foods, and that's completely fine as a personal preference, but we don't have to fear fat. The question is not so much the amount of fat, it's the type of fat. As the professor of medicine from UCLA who contributed this section writes, saturated and trans fats can increase your risk of heart disease or stroke, while healthy fats like mono and polyunsaturated fats help reduce risk. So, vegetable oils, avocados, nuts, seeds, fatty fish, etc. We've actually covered this topic in a lot of previous content; we went over all the evidence, all the cohort studies, all the trials, so we're not going to spend too much time on this, we're going to move on to myth number three.

---

Myth #3: Calories In, Calories Out Is the Most Important Factor for Long-Term Weight Gain

Myth number three, calories in, calories out is the most important factor for long-term weight gain. Okay, so this one I found strange. I read it several times, and it's still not clear to me exactly what he means. This one was contributed by Dariush Mozaffarian, who's a professor of nutrition at Tufts, and he says the critical thing for weight loss is avoiding ultra-processed foods. I agree with that in general, and he recommends a shift from counting calories to prioritizing healthy eating overall—quality over quantity. Agree 100%. Focusing on healthy foods tends to take care of the calorie problem. I just think the title is weird, how he worded it, the myth he chose, right? Calories in, calories out being the most important factor for weight gain—that's the top myth for him. It's true that conscious focus on calories doesn't seem helpful for most people, but that doesn't mean calories in, calories out isn't a key factor. In fact, we know that eating ultra-processed foods leads to overconsumption of calories, so they're not mutually exclusive. I think his wording conflates best approaches with what the underlying physiological factors might be. But let me know in the comments if you disagree and if you interpret his words differently. I agree with his bottom line though: minimizing ultra-processed foods in general and focusing on quality foods. It's just I would have worded the myth as something like, "Focusing on calories is the best approach for weight loss" or "Trying to eat less is the best approach for weight loss," something like that, and then explain that it's better to focus on eating better instead of eating less.

---

Myth #4: People With Type 2 Diabetes Shouldn't Eat Fruit

Myth number four, people with type 2 diabetes shouldn't eat fruit. Yeah, this is a pretty common one to hear. I think it comes from fruit containing sugars, even though they're natural sugars in the food matrix with fiber. But there's this notion that sugars of any source are bad for diabetes. I don't have a 100% black-and-white position on this. The balance of evidence doesn't seem to support that whole fruit is a problem for diabetics. We know people who eat more fruit tend to have a lower risk of developing type 2 diabetes, and type 2 diabetics who eat more fruit tend to have a lower risk of complications and even mortality. Now, we can always argue, well, maybe it's some other healthy habit that they have; it's not the fruit itself. So we also want to see, ideally, when available, some randomized trials. I've seen a few trials specifically looking at whole fruit separate from vegetables in a population with type 2 diabetes. This one, for example, told half the participants to eat a bit more fruit and the other half to eat a little bit less, and after three months they didn't see a significant difference in body weight or hemoglobin A1c, which is an average of the glucose levels over the long run. Several caveats of this study that lower my confidence a little, for example, the difference in fruit intake was subtle. Before the trial, they ate about 190 grams of fruit a day on average, which is the equivalent of a medium apple, and during the trial, one group went up to 320 grams a day, and the other came down to 135, so it's like comparing an apple and a half to two-thirds of an apple. So the trial is saying that in the background of a whole dietary pattern, eating a little more than an apple a day versus a little less than an apple in type 2 diabetics doesn't seem to make a big difference for glucose levels, and I have no trouble believing that. I'm not knocking the trial, this is a common hurdle—getting people to achieve significantly different levels of intake, what we call contrast of exposure. In an ideal world, we'd like to see one group eat no fruit or close to it, and the other group eat five or six pieces a day, and if we still see no difference, then that's pretty compelling that fruit by itself doesn't seem to play a huge role. Another source of uncertainty is they don't specify what people ate instead of the fruit. Fruit normally replaces other desserts or snacks, so people cutting back on fruit might eat something worse instead. Another factor to bear in mind is heterogeneity. Just saying "fruit" is a very large category, I think it's entirely possible that different fruits may have different effects, particularly for people with defective metabolism like diabetics. For example, in this study, blueberries, bananas, apples, and pears, and grapefruit were associated with lower type 2 diabetes risk. Peaches and oranges with no significant difference, and cantaloupe was associated with a higher risk of type 2. Usual caveats apply—I'm not saying this demonstrates cause and effect and cantaloupes make us diabetic, but I think this raises the possibility of heterogeneity between fruit types. So what about trials looking at specific fruits? I've seen some with berries, for example, and they generally seem to improve metabolic parameters like glucose, insulin, and inflammatory markers, both in diabetics and in healthy people. I've also seen some trials with grapes meta-analyzed, and they don't find a significant effect on glucose or insulin of whole grapes, although the trials that looked at whole grapes were not in diabetics, they were in healthy people. Also seen a couple trials with dates, generally finding lower glycemia and no significant change in hemoglobin A1c. So the data I've seen doesn't point to a clear issue with fruit in type 2 diabetics, with the usual uncertainty around types of fruit and amount and replacement, etc. As we discussed recently with Dr. Nicola Guess, the main factor for type 2 diabetes remission is weight loss, and people have different strategies for that. Some people put type 2 diabetes in remission with high fruit diets, others with low carb diets where they have some low-carb fruits like berries and they generally avoid more sugary fruits like mangoes and bananas. Both approaches can work, at least for weight loss and type 2 diabetes remission. So overall, I agree the statement "diabetics shouldn't eat fruit" is a myth.

"Mindfulness Meditation - Relaxation"

 

Guided Meditation

Welcome to your guided meditation. All you have to do is find a quiet spot where you can get into a comfortable position, either sitting up or lying down, and please don't do this while you're driving, because hopefully you might find it a bit relaxing. At some point, I'll offer you to close your eyes; you don't have to do that if you don't feel comfortable, but just follow my voice and enjoy. So, finding yourself in a comfortable position, I want you to take a couple of slightly deeper breaths, and we're going to focus that spotlight of your attention on how it feels to breathe. Then in one of those out breaths, you can just allow your eyes to close and really draw your attention in to how it feels to breathe. When your mind wanders from your breath, that's normal. Just notice where your mind has gone and gently guide it back to refocus on the sensation of breathing. Just notice that natural rhythm of your breathing; notice which parts of your body move to enable you to breathe. Again, when your mind wanders, just notice where it's gone, and gently guide it back to focus on the breath. Notice that your body just does it for you. You don't need to try. Notice the temperature of the air that you're breathing, and notice the difference in the sensations between breathing in and breathing out. Then we're going to expand that spotlight of your attention to focus on the rest of the body. I just want you to notice different areas of your body. How does it feel to be sitting or lying down? Do you feel warm or cold? Just notice if there's any tension anywhere, any pains. We're not trying to change any of those, just noticing them, what they are in this moment. Just allow them to be there and keep returning to the breath. Then I want you to notice what emotions you might have in the room with you here now. Just notice what you feel. And then, if you have a name for that emotion, I want you to notice where you sense that feeling in your body, where you feel it. Still breathing, that might be a feeling that is pleasant, or it might be a feeling that's unpleasant. Either way, we're going to allow that feeling to be here for this moment, just noticing that it's an experience within you. It's not who you are. It's a sensation, but not the fabric of your body. Then I want you to place one hand on the part of your body where you feel that emotion, and just allow that palm to radiate warmth and loving-kindness to that emotional experience. Now, that warmth of your palm just represents your kindness to yourself. If your mind wanders, that's normal. That's okay. Just notice where your mind has gone and come back to the here and now, noticing that rhythm of your breathing and the emotions in your body. Then, drawing the attention back from your body and the emotion, just your breathing once again. Again, noticing that physical movement happens every time you breathe, allowing for that sensation of relief with each out breath. If your jaw is clenched together, allow that to open slightly. And again, if your mind wanders, just notice and gently guide it back to the here and now. Then I want you to become aware again of how it feels to be sitting or lying. Notice which parts of your body are in contact with the chair or the bed, wherever you are. Maybe the feet on the floor. Just notice the sensation of your surroundings. Then expand that awareness again to the sounds that you can hear around you, and take some slightly deeper breaths one more time when you're ready. In one of those out breaths, if you've had your eyes closed, just allow your eyes to open, familiarize yourself with the room one more time. Notice what you can see, what you can hear, and what you can touch. I hope you enjoyed this meditation. A useful exercise can sometimes be to just reflect on where your mind wandered to while you were trying to be present. Not trying to change that, just noticing it as a good learning experience. I hope you all enjoyed this. Let me know in the comments how you found it and whether you'd like me to do some more of these.